Be Happier in your personal relationships by busting through old relationship myths….not for the faint of heart.
Some Myths of relationships
You know, it’s really a fascinating adventure to see how we humans interact with each other, especially in the area of personal relationships. Like this idea that one is better than the other. As a young boy I remember hearing a saying that went like: girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, and the boys were made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails? How did this happen? Let’s just get right to the point, when you’re in a relationship with someone, there is a difference between making your relationship work and allowing your relationship to work. Now weather you are with a male or female partner makes no difference the programming is the same. What’s funny is that we want to be loved and we want to give love and yet we have all of these barriers that we put up to resist us receiving and giving love. Now this is just my spin on the relationship game we are going to have fun, these are my rules, I make them up. Take what you find to be useful and disregard the rest.
The Myths of Relationships are
Myth # 1- You have to work at having a good relationship.
Reality: A relationship that is good for you does not take work. Try this concept “I’m going to take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me” with this idea you are free to play in joyful appreciation instead of obligation. If you have so many problems and dis-harmonies in a partnership that it feels like work to stay involved, then that person is not right for you. Differences of opinion, style, and preferences should be a source of intrigue and attraction and not a quagmire of argument and conflict.
Myth # 2- Negotiation, compromise, and sacrifice are necessary for two people to have a successful partnership.
Reality: When you put the responsibility of your happiness, and well-being in the hands of another human being you are already setting yourself up for failure. You are playing into the idea that you have to go without so that someone else can have. Frequent negotiation, compromise, and sacrifice are warning signs of a doomed relationship. If you find yourself having to negotiate, compromise, or sacrifice more than once a week to keep your partnership going, that relationship has too many natural dis-harmonies’ to be right for you or the other person. Fun, nurturing and lasting partnerships are based on natural mutuality. They have an organic harmony of traits and values that already exist before the two people meet. You don’t lose yourself by trying to be someone your not. If a relationship is hard, troublesome and requires a lot of struggle and effort, guess what, no amount of communication or counseling is ever going to make that connection easy, fun or fruitful.
Myth # 3- All the good ones are taken.
Reality: Any quality that you would want in a partner, you must first have that quality within you. If you take responsibility for all of those positive aspects in yourself the other person does not have to be those for you. Then you come together in shared strengths and not coming together with the idea that one of you is weak. Think about this, if you have someone in your life that you’re looking at and saying that they are inadequate in some way shape or form, how does that make you feel. Now why would you want to stay in a relationship like that? You might want to consider loving you first, how can you give something you don’t have? Become your best friend first then it’s easy to become someone else’s best friend.
Myth # 4- If I can change my partner’s behavior things will be better or how about this, I’m not changing you, I’m enhancing you …any other famous last words.
Reality: You can’t change other people. Control and self-sabotage are closely related. if you are trying to control how someone should be, or how a certain thing will get to you, how you can make something happen, and in the formulating of that control of that plan. if you still feel like you are not deserving of your desires, if you feel uncertain, then you know exactly what to do to stop it from coming to you. but you have said Just tell me what I can do to have a happy relationship and I will be diligent and follow it to the letter. And then you find out and go that’s too hard and complicated never mind. Well, hold on my friends, if you have your answer and if it is too complicated and you don’t like it when it is simplified and you still don’t like it who has the issue? that’s just part of the human conditioning of thinking that you are not worthy or deserving of your desires. They need to evolve on their own path at their own pace. I mean besides you’re always dating yourself anyway, in truth. Your partner is solely—souly– a liberating mirror of reflection of your own consciousness. You must change your inside world for the outside world to improve. You are always meeting yourself in others. If you’re not happy with the type of person you are attracting, take a look at the type of person you are. Society has told us that opposites attract, well now we know that like attracts like, and what we have attracted in some of our relationships has been our inadequacies.
Myth # 5-A member of the opposite sex or energy will balance me out.
Reality: Nope. Being balanced is an inside job; combine the forces of your feminine and masculine energies to tap your full potential. Cultivate playfulness, laughter and self-revealing humor. Invite serendipity and surprise to reveal your other side. Welcome the unexpected and spontaneous from yourself!
Myth # 6-I have to take what I can get. I can’t be choosy
Reality: Nothing good has ever come from settling for less than what you believe you deserve. How many relationships have you heard of that have gone down hill because one person said, well at least it’s somebody and I’m not alone. Tell me friends which feels better? Being in a relationship with someone and wishing you were alone or just enjoying your time during the single-season. Only you can choose what’s best for you.
Myth # 7- I have to give up my personal freedom to be in a committed relationship. Love= Ball and Chain
Reality: You know love wouldn’t be so hard if we didn’t have all of these ideas of struggle surrounding it. You know, as I was coming up in my youth, and trying to figure out how to have great relationships. the ones where I had the most growth, meaning that I felt that I was being treated very badly and or I was treating the other badly. There came a moment of what I said to myself, why am I doing this? Love does not do what this person is doing to me, and love does not do what I’m doing to them. I realized that I didn’t think myself worthy of more than what I was currently getting at that time. When I finally started to love myself more, I found that in my life that there was more love waiting for me. We have these ideals of freedom within our relationships but is it real freedom? It’s more like freedoms with limitations. we want us to be free, but free in the way that makes us comfortable, not with what is comfortable with the other (because we are such conditional lovers you know). The moment someone exercises their freedom outside of our comfort zones!!! we make them a target! we say that they’re wrong and we put them down and punish them for exercising their freedom with out our permission.
Let me ask you something, Does the Sun need your permission to shine? do the trees need your permission to grow? does the grass, nature, all life on this planet need your permission to be? if that is not the case then why does another person need your permission to be themselves? if you can free yourself from that belief and mindset, you will exercise and understand what you’re true freedom is. Freedom just is, you have been so free that you have chosen bondage. Real love and freedom go hand-in-hand, based on optimal spiritual evolution of each party. You can maintain your personal freedom while opening to profound intimacy. Give your commitment and trust to the spirit rather than the form of the relationship. We come together in the spirit of having fun. Not this is the only way we will have fun. Feel the difference? Sometimes lack of communication is the culprit. If you view your partnership as bondage know that it is just your thought of limitation of the moment and it is not permanent, it’s not pervasive, and personal. Communicate with your partner, and let them know that you really want to have more fun with your relationship. Also let them know that nothing has to be wrong for you to have more fun with your relationship.
Myth # 8-Relationships take time, effort and energy
Reality: the only effort involved is keeping love away. We spend countless hours successfully dodging love at every point of contact in our lives. It’s part of that whole idea of not being worthy of the love that you deserve, or that things have to come in a certain way. All you’re really doing is limiting how happiness can get to you. Try this quote from Reverend Michael Beckwith, he said this when he was on Oprah when the secret panel was on the show. “I am available, for more good than I’ve ever experienced, realized, or imagined before.” You can just feel the magic moments increase in your life. Every encounter with a human being is an opportunity to receive love in the form of kindness, generosity, a warm handshake or a shared laugh. Right relationships give you energy; lousy relationships drain your energy.
Myth # 9- If I open my heart my partner can hurt my feelings love= pain
Reality: Here again is the idea saying that love means struggle, difficulty, sacrifice. Something as beautiful as the nature of love, should not have to mean struggle at all. the love I know needs not force anything. It sees things as they are and loves them, just as they are, things don’t need to be any different for love to express love. other people cannot hurt our feelings. They can only trigger feelings that are already hurt within us. The hurt feelings are already present in our consciousness- in our past, our personality, our programming. In truth, your partner is doing you a big favor by bringing up a wound a sore spot within a loving context for the purpose of healing and releasing. it is not possible to avoid hurt feelings in life or in a relationship. But you can use the support of real love to move the hurt feelings up and out. Pay attention to what your emotions are telling you i.e. what ever emotion you’re feeling. And then ask yourself a better quality question, “What is this emotion showing me about myself that I am ready to learn now”.
Myth #10 – Another person can “fill the hole” we feel inside.
Reality: No, Not Ever Never No. ( I used to think a lot like that a lot in my early 20’s) This type of mentality plays into the social conditioning. We’ve been conditioned to think that we need another person to complete us. that we’re missing something, that we are a person who has a “hole”, and we walk around in life playing the role of a “hole” person trying to find the person that will make us complete. Let’s flip the thinking on this shall we? Once you realize that there is nothing outside of you that has power, only the power and control that you give it. You then take your power back from those things that would weaken you, and you begin to operate as your whole person w-h-o-l-e. you discover this, as you surf that wave of your own personal connection. And you arrive at the shore of lasting self-love.
Myth#11 your partner must be your equal.
Now let us speak of the madness of finding your equal. In our lives we been told that we should be around people of equal caliber or greater in your relationships. go out and find your equal so that you can be happy. Now this does not leave you in a place of just taking what you can get or settling for less than you deserve. again having this mindset sets you up for total frustration and put you in a place of never being able to find what you are looking for in this equal. Because you are locked into this fantasy of who you want to be with and not with the person you are with. your not fully present in your interactions with your partner because you have these wishes for them to be like with maybe not them, but because they are with you they should meet your expectations…and you resent the fact that they don’t even love you enough to even Try!!! The old if/then mindset is nothing but a happiness sapper. This must be equal before I can feel good all “equal” means is a resistance to self-love and in turn you find and make up reasons to not love others. (Boom!!! Yeah I said it!!)
If you are in a relationship and you have a mentality of someday this will be worth it if the payoff will be soon you miss and you never know the value of that relationship and that present moment. Now I’m not saying you should not go for what you want but do your standards keep you alone? or do they move you towards what you want happily every day? Only you can answer that.
So now how do we begin to change our thoughts about this:
Let us look at it from the point of things being unique. Everything in this world is one of a kind and we’ve been trained to say it’s not the same that’s bad, we get in arguments and start wars over our differences rather than finding peace and celebration because of our uniqueness. Every thing has a natural way of being together and some things match and some things match differently there is no need to say that one is less than the other for what is there to measure against when no one thing is the same. (other humans are off the hook.)
On the whole creator issue I’ll just tell you again. If we call this creative force perfection and we come from there then we are perfect. And we need not have to prove, justify, or judge anything for there is no place that does not have God/source energy. (we are off the hook from God/source energy) WOO!!!HOOOOO!!! Plus I will add that, you are and will always have your Own natural connection to Source energy/God/Goddess/Creative principle whatever you refer to it’s all good.
All religions that teach you that you are separate are doing so only to make you think they are important and you need them. This is the basic method of operation, get you to think you are flawed, come to you and say I know how to make you whole, and now I’ll give you all of these rules of repression and life rejection that only continue to keep this disconnection going. The larger the disconnection the more important they are, They give you rules that renounce life, destroy life, and deny what is you inherent right.
Now please understand this, if you are totally present in your life and you accept you as you are. love you for who you are, No Spiritual teacher is needed. If all of life is beautiful and playful joyous why would you need a middle person for you and spirit? You would not. You are directly connected with source. you are god. the living breathing embodiment, love personified. So if you have some person come to you and say I know the way to true enlightenment this is the only way……all that they offer is useless.
What I wish to offer you is a life-affirming philosophy of Yes!!! Just say yes to yourself to life, to love. I wish to teach you true freedom and empowerment, Well I’m just suggesting to you to find your true freedom and empowerment. You will teach you because you know you better that I do.
How can I trust any of this you say? Well let me put it this way. The only thing you need to do is trust yourself. Everything that I have been talking about in my material is coming from that place. You can train yourself to act from a place of empowerment no matter what going on in you life rather than a place of dis-empowerment that you have been conditioned into. When you know that you have full control over how you respond in any situation that is all the trust you will ever need to accomplish. If fact when you trust you, trusting others will be natural and anything that goes on in your life will be just something that is “happening” and you will not think anything more or less of yourself because of what is “happening” in your life. You will be the same, in your power
the best relationship you can have is the best and most loving towards yourself and loving others can be just as delicious.